Every year, reputable scientific journals, and by that I include Reader’s Digest, which I mean the internet, wearing a lab coat, confidently explain where you should be travelling based on your zodiac sign. Aries to somewhere rugged, Pisces to somewhere healing, Libra to somewhere aesthetically pleasing. A star chart gets involved. Authority is implied.
I decided that wasn’t nearly useful enough.
Instead of telling you where the stars want you to thrive, I focused on the more practical question: where you probably shouldn’t be going based on social media, AI, and a lifetime of trips that looked great in theory and felt deeply questionable in practice. This is what I’ve come up with.
Because not every trip is a “journey,” and the stars are tired of pretending.
Let’s clear something up. Travel astrology isn’t about manifesting your best life. It’s about identifying patterns of behaviour you have already demonstrated repeatedly and then asking, gently but firmly, why you keep doing this to yourself.
This is not inspirational. This is preventative.
If you’re looking for affirmation, there are plenty of people online who will tell you that Santorini will heal your inner child. I am not one of them.
Aries — March 21–April 19
Do Not Go: Venice
You hate waiting. Venice is a series of queues disguised as romance. You will be trapped behind tour groups moving at the speed of contemplation while you mutter things that will absolutely not sound spiritual. This is not a patience-building exercise. It’s a personality conflict.
Taurus — April 20–May 20
Do Not Go: “Rustic retreats.”
Rustic is branding. What it means in practice is a chair designed by someone who hates spines and a mattress that “tells a story.” Taurus does not travel to suffer. You are not here to reconnect with hardship. You want comfort, texture, and food that arrives on actual plates.
Gemini — May 21–June 20
Do Not Go: All-inclusive resorts
Gemini will feel emotionally contained by Day Two. By Day Three, you are wandering the perimeter like a house cat, wondering how you ended up here. Repetition is not restorative for you. Wristbands are not freedom.
Cancer — June 21–July 22
Do Not Go: Ultra-modern business cities
Glass, steel, and lobbies that smell faintly of ambition will drain you. You need places with memory, not charging ports. If the hotel room could double as a conference call backdrop, you will not sleep well.
Leo — July 23–August 22
Do Not Go: Destinations that tell you to “blend in.”
Leo did not pack personality to disappear politely. You can behave. You just don’t want to be invisible. If the travel advice includes the phrase “don’t draw attention,” you will immediately draw attention out of spite.
Virgo — August 23–September 22
Do Not Go: Anywhere described as “figure it out when you arrive.”
Virgo does not arrive without a plan. You enjoy structure. You like signage. You respect systems that work. Places that rely on vibes instead of information will slowly erode your sanity and your goodwill toward humanity.
Libra — September 23–October 22
Do Not Go: Party destinations
Libra wants beauty, balance, and conversation — not shouting over music while standing in sticky shoes. If the main selling point is nightlife, you will be tired, annoyed, and quietly judgmental by noon the next day.
Scorpio — October 23–November 21
Do Not Go: Instagram-famous towns
If every corner feels curated and nothing has shadows, Scorpio checks out. You want depth, not backdrops. Mystery matters to you. Filtered perfection does not. You will leave feeling insulted by the lack of complexity.
Sagittarius — November 22–December 21
Do Not Go: Cruises with rigid schedules
Sagittarius does not respond well to announcements. Being told where to be and when feels like detention with ocean views. Freedom that comes with a daily itinerary is not freedom. It’s theatre.
Capricorn — December 22–January 19
Do Not Go: “Chaotic but charming” destinations
This phrase is a lie. What it actually means is missed connections, unclear rules, and people shrugging when things don’t work. Capricorn respects competence. You did not come here to practice patience as a moral exercise.
Aquarius — January 20–February 18
Do Not Go: Hyper-traditional destinations that resist change
You like history. You do not like stagnation. If the destination prides itself on “how it’s always been,” you will spend the trip quietly imagining how it could be improved.
Pisces — February 19–March 20
Do Not Go: Over-scheduled, achievement-based travel
If the trip feels like a performance review, Pisces will emotionally exit early. You need softness, space, and time that isn’t accounted for. Too many boxes to tick, and your soul slips out the side door.
The Pushback No One Asked For
You will still go where you shouldn’t.
You will insist this time will be different.
You will say you’re “more flexible now.”
The stars are not impressed by this optimism. They are experienced.
This isn’t about destiny. It’s about self-knowledge. And maybe — just maybe — choosing trips that don’t require you to override your entire personality in the name of a good photo.
